Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa: Movie Review

Directed by: Yusry (KRU)
Written by: Yusry (KRU), Amir Hafizi
Also known as: The Malay Chronicles: Bloodlines
Who's in it: Stephen Rahman Hughes (Merong), Ummi Nazeera (Embok), Dato' Rahim Razali (Tok Kesum), Khir Rahman (Kemawas), Gavin Stenhouse (Prince Marcus), Jing Lusi (Princess Meng Li Hua), Craig Fong (Admiral Liu Yin).

The real Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa:

This movie is loosely based on an ancient Malay text, the Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa aka Sejarah Kedah. This text chronicles the history behind the founding of Langkasuka, an ancient kingdom founded by descendants of Merong Mahawangsa, a Roman official who got stranded in the northern part of Peninsular Malaysia after being attacked by a giant fire-breathing bird known as garuda. The kingdom of Langkasuka was later known as Kedah Tua.

The movie version (warning: spoilers ahead): 

Merong Mahawangsa is no longer a Roman official but a lowly sailor, a halfbreed (part Roman, part Malay) and an outcast (banned from almost every port in the world for his reputation as an internationally acclaimed womanizer). He was given a second chance at life (he was planned for an execution in Goa after sleeping with an Indian princess) when a Roman fleet, stranded in Goa requested his service to sail the treacherous waters of the South China Sea to reach Malaysian shores in time for the big wedding between a Roman prince and a Chinese princess. On Malaysian shores, they were attacked by a clan of pirates known as "garuda". The movie ended with a huge epic battle between the pirates and the combined forces of  the locals, the Chinese and the Roman fleet lead by Merong Mahawangsa which resulted in the complete annihilation of the pirates and sacrificing himself in the process.

Why i think this movie is an expensive piece of crap:

Calling a movie "epic" is a huge responsibility. Epic usually refers to a movie where everything is BIG: BIG budget (this movie cost around RM 10 million to make), BIG cast (this movie has the biggest number of international actors in a Malaysian movie: Stephen, Gavin and Jing Lusi are all based in London and Craig Fong hails from Australia), BIG effects and hundreds of supporting actors ("Pak Pacaks").  This movie has all the makings of a great Malaysian epic, so what went wrong?

1. The best word to describe the screenplay is CRAP. The creators of this movie were unable to decide on the type of movie they're making till the very end. It is not surprising that the screenwriter (Amir Hafizi) reworked the screenplay 17 times before coming up with the final piece of CRAP which became Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa. They were too many corny lines in this movie to mention here but imagine this scene: a surprise attack by the pirates causes everyone to flee in a state of shock and confusion, in the center of this chaos, a very Conan the Barbarian-like, Merong Mahawangsa gallantly fights a whole army of scrawny pirates, the camera focuses on Merong, he turns around and said (in English): "this is not fair, i told you one by one". It must have been difficult writing a script for an international cast: Merong speaks a confusing mix of flawless English (with a thick British accent), broken Malay and broken Mandarin. The Chinese princess and her trusted handmaiden talks mostly in English even when they're alone. The Romans speaks with a British accent and not in Latin or Greek like they're supposed to and the small selection of locals with  speaking parts (most of the locals communicate by nodding or incomprehensible shouting) speak in a weird mix of classical Malay, talking in riddles and flowery proses despite being barbarians.
2. The make-up and costume are CRAP. Dato' Rahim Razali must have received a huge paycheck just to stand around looking silly in his huge white wig, looking like an older and wiser version of the Monkey King. Merong's girlfriend (Ummi Nazeera) wears a dress which is too sexy for a "kampung girl" and his mother (Ummi Aida) dresses like a guy. The extras were extremely malnourished to pass as menacing pirates despite the BIG BOSS looking like a puffed up blow fish covered in fake tiger skin. 
3. The action choreography is a total rip-off of Ong Bak. Close combat scenes look impressive but lacks historical accuracy. Roman prince don't do kungfu and certainly not armed with a pair of nunchaks and iron claws were never part of traditional Malay weaponry. The silliest scene to me is  the climax of the first showdown between the pirates and the Chinese fleet. A whole army of pirates climbed on top of a two story watchtower to kill Merong. The camera closes up to the base of the tower where blood gushes down in gusto and in the background, you can hear victory cries claiming that Merong is dead. The whole army at the base of the tower then proceeded to bring down the tower with the most funny result, the tower fell on top of them killing everyone except for Merong, who despite loosing gallons of blood earlier is still able to stand up and gave a final war cry before collapsing on top of the mountain of dead pirates. Why go to all that trouble just to kill one person and end up killing themselves in the process? 
4. On a positive note, the cinematographer should be commended for making the movie look expensive by applying some neat filtering tricks giving the whole movie a dreamy, ethereal look but even that was not able to save this movie from sinking to the deepest recesses of the South China Sea along with pirates of the garuda clan. 

Let me just stop here, I think this short review is enough to illustrate how greatly annoyed I was with the movie. I personally think that KRU should be proud to put Malaysian cinema at a new level of mediocrity.

The snob's verdict: 2/10
Instead of watching this movie at the cinema, why not watch reruns of Hantu Kak Limah Balik Rumah on Astrofirst.